New Bible Version!!

MyWay Press is proud to announce the release of a new Bible translation, the "Whatever You Want" Bible.  Bible thumpers across America are excited for the spread of this new release and feel many fellow Bible-twisters will agree.

The WYW Bible is especially aimed towards our current Christian culture, specifically in elevating grey areas to be real core issues as well as ignoring clear Biblical commands that we just don't really want to follow. 

The WYW opens the gates to focus on areas that we especially enjoy bickering over.  This gives further ability to judge, criticize, and -let's face it!- hate people who differ in these grey areas and now be more focused on those who are exactly like us.  It also frees us from the heavy burden of worrying about issues like anger, pride, gluttony, etc. that other versions seem to make critical life issues.

In the WYW, verses that are frequently taken out of context are now highlighted with the surrounding context blurred so as not to shed light on true meaning. Also, commands that other Bible versions make highly important  are now printed extra small so as not to be taken too seriously.


Genesis 1 now includes clear verses that state "24 hour day" so as to make the time period of creation more clear.

The whole book of Acts now shows churches as they should be- every church mentioned in Acts is also mentioned with a pulpit, piano and organ (no other instruments are ever mentioned in the WYW!), and dressed-up church members.

Jesus is now mentioned as being a 5-point Calvinist, and the word "Pharisee" is now switched to the word "liberal".

Commands against drunkenness now state "It is a vile sin to drink at all".  It also now says that instead of Jesus miraculously changing the water into wine He changes it into Welch's grape juice.

The poor are never mentioned in the WYW so that we can increase our ignoring of them without feeling badly!

Among other features of the WYW are perforated pages so that whole sections can be taken out easily and quickly.  A thick, black Sharpie marker is also included for hiding smaller sections.  Wide margins with lines are included so that you can add in whatever verses you want!

In the back of the WYW (located where other versions put maps, because really, who needs that??) is a check-list where you can write in whatever rules you want and begin to worship them even more deeply.

Thanks to the WYW we are able to continue our Christian lives in much the same fashion we have been:  pointing fingers over small, menial issues in other people's lives while ignoring areas of coal-black sin in ours.  With further spread of the WYW, in a few generations Christianity will hopefully be even more powerless, highly divisive, and nearly completely ineffective against real sins.  Conversions will be at a minimum, and churches will be even more self-centered and withdrawn from their communities (so as not to be seeker-sensitive of course!).  So here's to the WYW and several more years of denial and delusion!