God, Guns, and Peace on Earth

I was out Christmas and grocery shopping when I heard about the shooting in Newtown, Connecticut. First, I sat in horror in my car in a parking lot, crying and praying with no words.

Then, as I finished my errands, everything I did seemed crass.  Buying presents.  Buying food.  All with a sick stomach.

The terrifying events in Newtown broke my heart, as it did all of us; but it did and continues to hit me in a special, devastatingly deep way; one, because I'm a mother; but also because I spent 3 years working in an elementary school, specifically in kindergarten and 1st grade.

I thought, specifically, on several occasions, that since I worked at an elementary school I did not need to worry about there ever being a shooting there.  Because who would... why would they... how could they...

It sickens me that that shows that shootings in schools of older children had lost a level of surprise to me.

But elementary.

First grade.

20 children.  20 babies.

In elementary school, the kids have such a sense of wonder.  It's their first tastes of education.  And they are so, so excited about it.

As I listened to the news, images of past students ran through my mind.  I saw the school's hallways and pictured these tiny, innocent ones...

Right before Christmas.

How, how could anyone do that.  Who but Satan himself could DO that.

I can't imagine.  You send your kid to 1st grade and you worry they'll fall on the playground.  Or drop their lunch.  Or maybe move their behavior chart to a straight face instead of a smile.

You don't worry they'll be gunned down in their cute little classrooms.  With their tiny desks and short chairs.  For their small selves.

It's ironic that my last blog post on here is "10 Biblical Responses to Evil".  I certainly stand by them, and must unless I want to argue the Bible (I don't).  But they sure are hard to swallow right now.


God

This tragedy doesn't make me mad at God at all.  It doesn't make me doubt Him.  It doesn't make me wonder where He was.

God was there.  God was protecting.  God was crying and mourning.

It makes me mad at Satan.  I rightfully blame him. The one who enjoyed it.  The one who takes pleasure in it.  The source of such sick, dark, evil.  Satan, walking about seeking those who he can devour (1 Peter 5:8).  Satan, the very enemy of the precious God I serve.  Praise Jesus, in the end Satan and his deceptive team will be forever cast into the Lake of Fire! (Revelation 20:10)

I've sadly seen comments such as Fischer's and Huckabee's that we shouldn't be surprised at such a tragedy in a school, because we shove God out of our schools and society, and this is what happens without God.  I find this not only false, but self-righteous and highly insensitive.  First of all, we must remember Job.  Job was walking so well with God that God bragged about him (Job 1:8).  Yet God allowed mass destruction in Job's life.  There are many other testimonies of faithful Christians who have gone through tragedies.

There may not be led prayer in schools, but I've seen plenty of students on their own praying in schools and have even seen Bible studies meeting in schools.  I'm sure there's cases where there's more prayer and Bible reading happening in the public schools then there are in some Christian homes.

Also, who knows the spiritual states of these actual families?

Mike Huckabee was specifically asked "Why would God let this happen?" and I believe, even with his follow-up comments, he utterly missed an opportunity to show compassion and grace.  In some ways I was left still wondering what exactly he meant in his comments.  If he intends to mean "bad things happen because we're bad" then that's not helpful.  If he intends to mean that it's a contradiction to want God now, when we didn't want him before, then sure, of course; but who of us isn't like that?  Who of us hasn't polished up our prayer life and devotional walk after something bad happens to us?

We should be grateful that while it may be contradictory, many now are looking for God... many are going to prayer vigils... many are asking where He was.  What great opportunities for Christians to share Christ.

The only sin to blame here is the shooter's.  If you want to talk about a lack of following God, let's talk about his.  It's not the time to point fingers at our schools and society.  It's the time to show compassion, grace, and love; it's the time to take the question "why did God let this happen?" very seriously and answer it very sensitively and carefully.  It's a question if we're honest, we all wonder at to a point.


But God was there.

Blame the devil.

Love and pray for our nation, our schools, and Newtown.


Guns

I beg you first of all, to keep an open mind.  I used to think more gun control wasn't an answer either- but after doing some careful reading and thinking after Friday's events I came to some new conclusions.  

If we do not pause now and seriously reconsider our gun laws, then what will it take?

Hear me clear: "pause and seriously reconsider".  That's all I'm asking.  I'm not saying ban all guns.  I'm saying, if some crazy 20 year old guy is legalized in having an assault rifle, goes into an elementary school, and blasts away a bunch of 1st graders, and that doesn't make us pause and reconsider our laws, then what will?? If we can't even stop and rethink it through, then I believe we are being irresponsible and arrogant.

I've heard the "guns don't kill people, people kill people" argument.  To me that's like saying cigarettes don't give cancer, people do.  Or heroin doesn't make people high; people do.  Well let's just legalize heroin and sell it at Walmart too.  Someone I know made the great point that if "guns don't kill people, people do" then guns don't protect people either, people do.  You can't claim you need a gun for protection but not recognize the part it plays in killings.

Hear me out, I know that guns are merely a tool that can be used for good or evil.  I know that people that shoot people are ultimately RESPONSIBLE, period.  But the easy accessibility to such weapons to people who want to kill people is what troubles me.  Something's wrong.  We have to ask ourselves, how's it working for us?

I also have heard the point that stricter gun laws will only keep the good guys from having guns; the bad guys will still get guns, because they don't care about laws anyways.  Should we really make laws based on that type of thinking... the-bad-guys-will-do-it-anyways-thinking?  With that thinking, a lot of things could become legalized.  Cause hey, bad guys will do it anyways, so why make the law?  Scary path, if you ask me.  The reasons for our laws are not only to try to keep people from doing certain things, but it's also to take the stand that such a thing is illegal even if it is done.  Wouldn't it be nice if when things like this happened we could say at least the bad guys weren't legally ok-ed to have such weapons?  Need I remind us this was an ASSAULT RIFLE.  Our laws MUST be re-examined because something is WRONG if someone in that mental state would get an assault rifle.  Also, the main "good guys" are our law enforcement- no one's saying they shouldn't have guns.

There are approximately 20 mass shootings a year.  Guns are just a tool... but they're being used and abused for a lot of evil; and we have the responsibility, the duty, to step up and see what laws need to be tweaked and what limits need to be put in place to try our best to lessen these occurrences.

I actually have read a few people stating that we need to arm teachers and school staff with guns.  Are you kidding me.  I am trying so hard to maintain respect here... but that to me is utterly absurd.  Let's bring a bunch of weapons in and store them around classrooms and children for the just-in-case.  Let's give everyone in the school guns.  Let's trust out teachers with guns and hope THEY aren't gonna end up being a bad guy.  Let's make a horrible situation more horrible.  A possible bloodbath more bloody in the meantime.

One other point on this:  right or wrong, I don't think it's the best time to defend our gun laws.  Shopping malls, movie theaters, elementary schools...  It just might not be the best time to defend our gun laws.  Maybe we can just agree to pause, and reconsider them.



Peace on Earth

I read an amazing article that asks the question, have we finally had enough?  He makes the point that we roll around in violence all the time, and then are horrified at such shootings.  Our entertainment is filled with misery and gore; our songs can be horror-filled; and "games" and things we "play" are often nothing but darkness.

We spend millions and millions of dollars making movies, and then spend millions and millions of dollars to watch such movies, that we would never, ever want to have actually happen.  We entertain ourselves by feeling terrified and grossed-out.

Why?  It's true that people love darkness more than light (John 3:19).  We love tasting it and toying with it.  We play with fire.

And then it burns us.

I'll be totally honest, I am seriously rethinking some of my entertainment choices.  Some things shouldn't be enjoyed, even if it's "only" an imagined story.

We say we want peace on earth; and as Christians we are commanded to seek it.  So let's seek it, in everything we watch, everything we listen to, everything we say, everything we do.

A song I can't seem to stop listening to since last Friday:

The Heavens Declare

This is one of the most amazing video's I have EVER seen...

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/upshot/amazing-time-lapse-video-captures-night-sky-232027106.html

 "The heavens declare the glory of God; 

   the skies proclaim the work of his hands. 

 Day after day they pour forth speech; 

   night after night they reveal knowledge. 

 They have no speech, they use no words; 

   no sound is heard from them. 

 Yet their voice goes out into all the earth, 

   their words to the ends of the world."

                      ~ Psalm 19:1-4

So here's the story...

This past summer my hubby and I officially decided to start trying for a baby.  Awkward phrase?  Yes.

And as we started this process, I was one of those this-will-be-tons-of-fun and I-will-get-pregnant-right-away types. Literally.  I was convinced we'd get pregnant on the first attempt.

That didn't happen, and sheesh was I crushed.  What a unique pain to realize that the "attempt" was a fail; and there was for sure no prego ego.

But after google-ing and figuring out exactly what we needed to do differently, my hopes were high again as round 2 came up.

And again, nope.

Round 3?  Uh, no.

And 4....  nope.

And of course, each month I had different reasons for being pretty expectant that I was expecting.  Every time, I was wrong.

This was getting less fun.  This was getting to be work... and math, and when was the science gonna kick in??

So as this journey went on my frustrations grew.  I believed in my mind and said with my mouth that God was in control and for goodness sake's it was none of my business to tell Him when to make a life.  But deep down I knew I had a plan, I had a timeline and none of this was matching up.

It didn't make it any easier when at the grocery store a teenage girl was buying a pregnancy test and giggling with her friends about how she was so excited that she thought she was pregnant.

Frustration increased.  I told my husband "I'm so tired of this roller coaster ride... every month it's up and down and then the next month it's alllll over again!!"

And then the end of October my pastor preached a sermon that I blogged about because it impacted me so deeply.  The title that popped up on the power point, "Ride the Roller Coaster, Trust the Designer", mine as well have said "Emily, this sermon is for you so listen up!".  My pastor talked about everything I already knew... that life is a roller coaster and when we give our highs and lows to God they even out.  He read a ton of awesome Scripture.  At the end we all stood for the invitation time, and next thing I knew, I couldn't stand.  I was sobbing sitting in the pew being under deeper conviction then I've ever experienced before.  And I prayed and apologized and felt such sweetness in my faith... it was unreal.  It was priceless.  It was God.

And as I prayed... I needed less and less words.  I could literally feel God take the baby burden from me and replace it with such peace.... peace that passed my understanding.

Right after the service was over, as I was still wiping my blotchy eyes, another couple in the church came over and started chatting and shared that they were about to work on starting a family.  An hour ago that would have hit my heart and brought the discouragement waves a comin'.  Instead, I inwardly smiled and thought "Sorry Satan, this battle's done.  Go pick on somebody else!" :)

That next week I actually kept forgetting that I needed to be tracking certain things and what-not to get ready for attempt #5.  Jason says I was like a different person.  I was.  The things I believed in my head and said with my mouth where now a part of my soul and deep in my heart.  God had it... my plan was handed over... complete trust in Him was truly in me.

If I were God, I'd look at me and smirk and say "Yeah... we'll see how much you mean this.  Let's give it another year and see if you pass the test."

Thankfully, I'm not God:)

And God, in His kindness... in His mercy... in His grace... let us have a "successful" attempt #5.  Just a few weeks later we took the at-home pregnancy test and were so thrilled at the precious plus sign!

I can with deep conviction say that if we hadn't seen that plus sign, it would have been okay.  My boat would not have been rocked because Jesus was Captain, and I was no longer telling Him how to drive.

Isn't God amazing??

Oh, and here is the link to my baby blog... I've been working on it for several weeks, starting it secretly since Baby Hart was still a secret to everyone else.  Now it's finally a public blog!  Too exciting:):)

http://baby-step-by-step.blogspot.com/

Huge Tiny Miracles

Well it's been several weeks since I last blogged, thanks to the crazy holiday season and being in my first trimester of pregnancy:)

While it's totally public now that I'm pregnant (once it's on Facebook, everyone and their puppy knows;)), this is the first time on this blog that I've talked about it.  And while it's caused a lag on this blog, be happy to know I've still been blogging- on another new blog I've started to journal this journey!  And while I haven't published it yet, keep posted as I'll be making it public in the next handful of days!

For now, I want to share this video clip a great friend shared with me.  It is AMAZING to watch and think about the miracle God does creating a baby!!  It's so interesting and truly sad to see the perplexity of Mr. Tsiaras as he wonders how this could all happen.  He talks about the "magic" of the process and how it is "beyond our comprehension".  Ah, but we can comprehend more than just this:)  It's not magic... it's a miracle.  And while it is indeed overwhelmingly impossible to figure out completely, we can know that the "how" is all God.  It beautifully blows our minds, as God always should.  And instead of simply being baffled, we can turn our wonder into praise and glory for Him!  Honestly, I don't know how you could have any other reaction!  "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you." Jeremiah 1:5.

No Fear, Part 2

The passage I shared on my last blog has become so powerful in my life lately.  I love when God speaks in such a way to a life that it is unmistakable and undeniable.

That is the way He has worked in my life in the last several weeks with Romans 8:35-39.  I've always thought this passage to be beautiful.  But God has revealed a deeper depth in it to me.

We all have things we can fear... and while as Christians we know we shouldn't and needn't fear, we still know deep down inside that these fears are somewhat founded.  Death, sickness, betrayal, disease, disaster.  We shouldn't.  We needn't.  But we can fear these things.

But there is one thing we as Christians have no reason to fear.
Because NOTHING can separate us from God's love.

We can have NO fear of this because it is IMPOSSIBLE!  Our joy, satisfaction, and peace in Him is OURS for the taking, no matter what. 

And the greatest part that God whispered so loudly to my heart?  It's the best thing we have.

Our greatest treasure is untouchable.  Our GREATEST treasure is untouchable!  Of all the other things that we have to be uncertain of...that we know are so vulnerable and weak... our relationship with our Saviour is not one of those things!  He is ours for forever with NO doubt. NO fear.  No chance of losing it.

And at the end of every "What if..." we can say "...then God."  Then God! 

He is untouchable.  Unstoppable.  Unquenchable.  Ours.

Why does God allow bad things to happen?

  This question is one that has been asked and asked again... and again.  When trials and suffering come upon a Christian it's easy to wonder "Why, God??".  This last Sunday my pastor preached some answers to this question; and as part of that he shared this short video, that impacted me deeply:




What a great way to turn this question around.  Think about the person who is wondering why God is allowing the bad things in their lives.  You ask them what they want God to do about the bad things?  They want Him to destroy them.  To get rid of them.  To not permit them.  Then you ask that person if they have done bad things....

So God, in agreement with this suffering person, should destroy us.  Should get rid of us.  Should not permit us.  We are, indeed, bad ourselves. 

And this is true.  He should.

It reminds me also of a quote I recently read in G. K. Chesterton's book Orthodoxy:  "If Cinderella says, 'How is it that I must leave the ball at twelve?' her Godmother might answer, 'How is it that you are going there till twelve?"

So instead of asking why we must leave the ball at twelve... let's instead remember how amazing and undeserved it is that we're going at all.

Ah, Changes.

Well, it's officially been over 2 months since I've posted on here. Ouch! I must say I have some pretty good excuses, like.... buying a new house and moving into it, finishing summer school and starting a new semester, getting and starting a new job (and officially finally doing what I've wanted and gone to school for:) )...

Whew! Moving, college, jobs... life! It never ends its whirlwind of craziness and changes. Changes. Gew!

I absolutely hate transition. Always have, probably always will. Even when they're wonderful and positive, there is just something about the process that I find threatening. Getting used to new things for me is just dizzying.

That's why God's immutability is so refreshing for me. He NEVER changes. He alone is the only constant in life. And this attribute of His is by far my favorite.

"For I, the Lord, do not change..." Malachi 3:6

"...the Father of lights, with Whom there is no variation or shifting shadow." James 1:17

"Of old You founded the earth, and the heavens are the work of Your hands. Even they will perish, but You endure; and all of them will wear out like a garment; like clothing You will change them and they will be changed. But You are the same, and Your years will not come to an end." Psalm 102:25-27

So, here's to changes. To blogging before the next two months are up. And to our one Constant. Our one true Guarantee. Our never-changing, great, and almighty God!

Children, Children

A couple days ago I went to the dentist. Not. Fun.

The really interesting part was that as I squirmed and sweat through the scraping, stings, and sounds, I just wanted to hear a "Good job!" or "Wow, you're brave!"

Oh, to be young again. When I was little and went through such agonies as the dentist, my mom would always be at my side to cheer me on. Even the dentist herself would comment on how well I sat still and didn't whine. Now I feel like I fight just as hard to be good, but receive no affirmation.

As I sat and held my hands together as hard as I could to get through the torture, I pondered this feeling within me. This desire to be noticed, appreciated, and encouraged the same as when I was little. The need to be told I'm brave. Silly, right? I don't think so.

You see, I don't think I'm the only adult that longs for this. I am sure there are grown men that sit down to pay bills and hear whispers of their past saying "Whew, you are a brave guy." Grown-ups who get up and ready for work and long to hear "Wow, good job!" again.

The fact is that a woman will always be that little girl twirling in her dress wanting to be told she's pretty; and a man will always be that little boy playing warrior and wanting to be told how big and strong and tough he is.

We are still so much like children. I think that's part of why life gets so hard when you grow up. The desires to hear these phrases and be affirmed are the same on the inside; but it'd just be silly and embarrassing to admit that or to actually say things like that to an adult.

We are still SO much like children. But you know what blows my mind? God asks us to be like children in the most intimate of ways. He asks us to be HIS children. Amazing, huh? And He asks us to behave like children in our faith- to have a childlike faith in Him (Matthew 18:3,4). To simply have faith and trust Him without questions, fears, or taking the controls.

And this is where we stop being so much like children. This is where we go back to being grown-ups and can't seem to step back to our childhood... maybe we even don't want to.

But this is where we need to be children- we desperately need to be His children, act like His children, and trust Him like His children. He's just waiting for us to live with a daily faith in Him- completely resting in Him and adoring Him as our Father.

Can you do this? Step back from being a grown-up and revel in being His daughter or son. Crawl up in His lap and lean your head on His shoulder. Let Him wrap His arms around you. Whisper, "Daddy".

And find the real peace and joy of being a kid again.