Cum Laude

So it's been a couple weeks since I blogged, but this time I have a really good excuse. I was busy graduating college (can i get a *woot woot*?!)

Throughout the past let's-just-say-more-than-the-usual-4-years of college, there's certainly not one step that has been easy. My first college proved too expensive for my budget. Since I wasn't a preacher's kid nor a preacher-to-be, it was clear any grants or scholarships from the private college itself wasn't gonna happen. Since I was really from PA and this college was in IA, the state and country offered only loans. No grants/scholarships for outsiders. Throughout that experience, it became increasingly frustrating to me that while I strived and succeeded to get great grades, there were too many other "factures" that left me disqualified.

So on to the next college I went. A community college that while remaining much more in my comfort zone of finances also offered the new world of sign language to me. This then offered me the world of Sign Language Interpreting, and hence, my call.

A crystal clear call from God to me. Calling and burdening me with a love for the Deaf Community.

With one college transfer under my belt, why not spring for another? Ya see, with this new call from God came a new predicament. The community college was not going to train me for ministry. And while its own program was shaky and uncertain, I was already knowing I needed to seek another. One that would train me for Deaf Ministry.

Hence, Tennessee Temple University- the university I just, and finally, graduated from.

Scraping pennies to make it through yet another private school, I made it- working full time as well through it all. Not easy, but God's grace is more than enough.

And, through it all, I managed a 3.6 GPA. These grades that I had worked so hard for, but had never been enough in themselves to qualify me for any financial help, would now earn me one piece of recognition.

Cum Laude.

I was so excited for that yellow honors sash to wear with my gown! So excited for the star by my name in the program!

But, alas.

I found out that because I had not taken quite 60 credits at this last college of mine, that I could not be given Cum Laude nor the yellow sash. Sure, the grades matched. But yet again, there were other stipulations. Stipulations that despite my hard work made me still not quite good enough.

And so I looked as the yellow sashes were handed to many others, but not me. I looked at my name without stars. And I cried, a lot.

Because, you see, it was just so unfair. Transferring colleges and moving to TN was one of the hardest things I'd ever done. And I had transferred TO this school, yet they were punishing me for that. Still not counting me as one of their own. All those long nights of studying and slaving for what felt like nothing.

From this disappointing and heartbreaking experience that I know will mean nothing in a few years, I found a couple spiritual lessons that have been soothingly on my heart:

1. God knows the whole story: He will not gyp us. He won't throw out any surprise dumb rules that all the sudden make what we accomplished not good enough. He knows our hearts and hard work; He knows the whole story. And God is fair.

2. God knows the whole story: Deja vu? Sure. But the second way to apply this is to remember that indeed God does know everything. Yikes, huh? I mean sure I can pat myself on the back and think "Whew, at least God knows that great thing I did!" But then you have the "Oops..." How many times in private do we do/think/say things that we would hide from people, but forget that God witnesses? He knows our hearts; He knows the whole story. And God is fair.